A more in tune husband or a psychic... take your pick... cause you can't have both...

So many women just want their husband to have psychic powers that will magically tell them what you are thinking... Are we delusional much haha??? I find myself in this state of mind a lot... but I digress...
In all seriousness we have to consider the reality... if our husbands received any sex education at all (and for the most part they didn't receive ANY) it was a meager substitute for what God had planned for us.
I hear so many women say that they are too intimidated and embarrassed to talk about sex to their husbands. For many it is the fear of being laughed at, and for others it is the fear that communicating desires will make her husband feel inadequate.
So we stay silent, and over time we get frustrated, discouraged, and ultimately disconnected when our unexpressed expectations aren't fulfilled.  These fears breed resentment and rejection which seeps into every aspect of our marriage. As all of this is intensifying in our minds and ultimately solidifying in our hearts, our husbands are entirely unaware. This deficit in communication debilitates and depresses the intimacy that God has created for your marriage.
So if you want a husband that is intimately in tune with you and your body you MUST face and conquer all the fears that your mind has accepted as truths. You owe it to yourself and to your marriage to express to your husband exactly what you need and want from him. Take a step out of your comfort zone and see what God has for your marriage on the other side of it. So here is your homework... bet you never thought you would be assigned homework from a blog huh??... Over the course of the next few days, communicate just one need or desire to your husband... It doesn't have to be every single desire you've ever thought of in your whole entire life LOL!
Just ONE... and remember some of the most intimate kinds of communication can be non verbal... be creative... you can thank me later... but  please... keep the details to a minimum LOL!!

Investing in Neglect...

We all invest our time, efforts, and energy into something... kids, jobs, house, friends... It seems as life happens, our husband moves further and further down the list of priorities, and as responsibilities stack, we just assume he knows how much we appreciate him and since he vowed to love us he should just understand. As marriages continue to crumble and fall it is painfully obvious that neglect can be a dangerous and silent killer...

The cure for neglect??? Acknowledgment and attention...

Give acknowledgment and attention to what is important to your husband. I probably don't need to tell you that sex is often #1 on a husbands most wanted list. This unfortunately makes many wives cringe or shrug cuz they don't understand it.
I think, many times, our perspective just needs a little tweaking ;)

When you vow to invest your time, efforts, and energy into your husbands need for physical intimacy you are making a declaration of love, encouragement, and assurance that awakens his spirit, breathes life into his soul, and rejuvenates his body. Who wouldn't want to do that for someone they love???

Here's the exciting news... this is not a one sided benefit. As you focus on meeting his physical needs you are emotionally connecting with your husband in a uniquely God given way. In fact this is a privilege that is entirely yours. When you consider this, the act of sex becomes so much more than just something "to get through" so you can get started on the laundry. You will find yourself captivated, and the idea of "two becoming one" becomes an unmistakable reality. What a beautiful concept that you two are the only people on earth who have permission to connect with each other in this exceptional way. God takes joy in the value you put on His unique gift.
So this doesn't simply happen. It takes pursuit and intent to create an environment where your connection can mature. Take the necessary steps to reclaim the intimacy in your marriage!

• Pray desire into your marriage. God will absolutely grant a desire in your heart for intimacy with your husband. He wants this for your marriage.
• Speak desire into your marriage. The things we say play a huge roll into how actions are manifested in our life. If we say... "Ugh I guess I better do this and get it over with" then most likely it will be an ugly experience but if we say "I can't wait to meet my husband right where he needs me and experience all God has for us" then God will bless you with an adventure like you have never experienced.
• Think desire into your marriage. Day dream about your husband. Not just halfhearted thoughts but purposeful and stimulating contemplation. Think about how you feel when he touches you or whispers in your ear. Once your brain has checked in, your body will quickly follow.
• Communicate desire to your husband. Tell him you want him. That you desire to be with him. Text him and tell him you can't wait to see him. Leave sexy notes on the bathroom mirror. Not only will this encourage him but you are creating a new dialogue for your marriage.
• Have fun!!! When you get a gift for your birthday you unwrap it as fast as you can so you can play with it... well God has given you a one of a kind gift that is created especially for you and your husband to share. Honor it, cultivate it, delight in it and watch God transform your marriage.

Geez...what did marriage ever do to the culture????

Can one person change the perception of marriage???

If you’ve had a conversation with me lately you have probably picked up on my disdain for the way the culture views marriage. Almost every movie or show we see depicts marriage as a dull, droning, monotonous life that is really just a slow death. In every comedy or sitcom the husband is a bumbling spineless clueless goof who can’t get things right to save his life, and the wife is a nagging irritated bully that takes cheap shots at her husband every time he speaks. In almost every drama the married couple is bored, unsatisfied, and discontented. Incessantly longing and looking for the greener grass. Marriage, in both the comedy and drama, equals a sexless, communication deficient merger. There is never any deliberate effort taken to cultivate and encourage the relationship. Then dissatisfaction, frustration, and disappointment set in. At this point husbands begin to seek out "approval and validation" and the wives set out in search of "passion and happiness." Please don’t misunderstand my issue. The shows that utilize these formulas, in and of themselves, aren’t bad. They tend to be pretty entertaining for the most part. The problems arise when our reality begins to merge with what is made-up, and our lives begin to replicate these fictional story lines. When this happens our kids no longer have a genuine model of what a healthy and happy marriage/relationship even looks like.

• How can we expect our sons and daughters to look forward to being married?
• How can they know what a great marriage looks like when the adults in their lives can’t properly identify it, let alone live it out in their everyday lives?

So what are some practical and constructive things that we all can implement into our everyday lives to further my mission to change the perception of marriage?

1. Know Love. You can’t give love unless you understand it, and you can’t fully understand it until you recognize and comprehend just how much God loves you.

2. Surround yourself with friends who are committed to building up their husbands rather than tearing them down. This may be hard at first but you have to be purposeful.Remember why you married him and focus on the positives.

3. Praise his attributes every chance you get. Especially in front of your kids and your friends.Don’t fake it.

4. Flirt with your husband. It keeps things fun and breaks up any monotony you both may be feeling. It reminds you (and him) of what life was like, in the beginning, when you both were in pursuit of each other. It will affirm your love for your husband and let him know that you would still choose him ;-)

5. Daydream about being alone with your husband. This will help to replace any negative tapes that may be running through your brain. Remember that sex is a gift from God to be celebrated in marriage. It is a physical representation of intimacy. This aspect of your marriage should never be neglected. Meet your husband’s needs and you will cultivate a loyalty and appreciation, and you’ll be surprised how little he cares about the little annoyances that arise.

To be continued :-)

Okay... now what???

Alright, you've read my last post and the light bulb appeared above your head. Or maybe you were already thinking the same thing and now your glad you're not alone... either way, now your like okay I get it... I've been improperly conditioned and I acknowledge that... Sooooo how do I go about embracing this new mindset????? First let me go ahead break the news to you, you might feel REAL silly at first… probably even a little awkward. But with that out of the way we can proceed :-) I promise the pay off will be sooooo worth it!

Okay, so I have like a bazillion ideas that I'm certain will appear in upcoming posts, but I'll start with one that has worked consistently for the wives that I've met on my journey. This will initially sound like something you've heard your whole life so you have to promise to read it all the way through… promise????

Alright…

EXERCISE (I said you wouldn't be surprised but keep reading... you promised.)

Now I’m not talking about Jane Fonda tapes and sweatin’ to the oldies. I’m talking about adding some spice to your workout. I’m talking about a form of exercise you can actually learn with a group of your friends in the comfort of your own home… no seriously. I've done this with much success and know many ladies that will testify to its effectiveness ;-)

Brace for it...

...Pole Party... yes you read it correctly... P-O-L-E... pole. Now before you check out... let me finish. This has got to be one of the most effective and entertaining ways to get in touch with your inner sex kitten. Which is exactly what we all wanna be for our husbands, right?? The key is to make certain that you plan it with a group of wives that you know and trust. This way you can encourage each other with the understanding that you all are taking steps to strengthen your marriage. One of the most valuable things you take away from this get together is a better understanding of your body and the way it moves. You also leave with a new sense of confidence and self esteem. You feel empowered and energized. It's also a phenomenal workout. You'll burn calories, increase flexibility, and build muscle strength. Don't forget all the laughing you'll do with your friends.

Hahaha… I was starting to sound like a commercial… sorry bout that... anyway… I started doing pole fitness about a year and a half ago. It is the only workout (EVER) that I have absolutely LOVED doing and always look forward to my next workout. It has not only improved my health, it has definitely spiced up my marriage. I've led so many pole parties and every single time the women are so happy that they came. They always have great stories about taking what they've learned back home to their husbands. I've even given one-on-one lessons to ladies who weren't quite comfortable with a group setting. I've worked with wives and brides-to-be on individual routines for honeymoons, anniversaries, or special occasions. I truly believe every woman should experience it. I figure, not everyone has access to a pole... I do... so why not use it to contribute to a cause that is close to my heart... strengthening marriages!!

When you do this form of workout you begin to see your body differently. You appreciate the strength and support that your body provides and you're able to see the positives and focus less on the negatives. You become proud of your body and all that it's capable of. The payoff is two fold… you gain the benefit of traditional exercise(increased energy, calorie burn, muscle tone etc.) and at the same time you are lighting a serious fire under your libido. It's like exercise multi tasking LOL ;-)

There's gotta be a secret handbook... right??

From the time a little girl can start picking out her clothes she is told NOT to dress sexy. Throughout her pre-teen and teenage years she is told that sex is bad. "Don't think about it, don't talk about it, don't try to emulate it." These things are continually drilled into her psyche until the day she gets married and then, magically, she is suppose to flip the switch and transform into this sex goddess for her husband. I think the message we are trying to convey is not that sex is "bad," but that it is "wrong" to have sex before marriage. But sex is such an uncomfortable topic, that our message, no matter how sincere, gets lost in translation. In reality, sex is a beautiful creation from God, but it is only fulfilling and complete within the bounds of marriage. So after, let's say, 23 years of "don't be sexy" and "sex is bad" how exactly are women suppose to feel comfortable embracing this new concept that sex is now acceptable and it's a good thing to be sexy (for your husband.) Now I know that this is not the only aspect of a marriage but it is a very necessary, and often neglected, component.

Sometimes there are other issues that hinder wives from seeking out their inner sex kitten. Issues like, in my case, sexual abuse from childhood or abuse from previous relationships. These issues compound the idea that sex is bad, dirty, or in someway wrong. It almost seems wrong to enjoy sex, but that is because a sick and tainted world has perverted the precious gift that God created solely for marriage. And I'm pretty sure that if it wasn't created for our enjoyment then He wouldn't have given us all those nerve endings down there LOL! But seriously, my goal here is to help wives find fun and entertaining ways to embrace their inner sex goddess and become a real life fantasy for their husband.

With all of the things that require our attention (laundry, dishes, bills, jobs, kids... the list is never ending)... We have to be deliberate in our attempts to strengthen the friendship, commitment, and intimacy with our husbands.

Here is how I see it...

GOD

My husband & Me

Kids

Everything else

First and foremost... I am a child of the Most High God...

Next... I am Michelle

Then... I am Lamont's wife

Followed by Darius, Libby, and Devin's mom...

I love my children

But I am IN LOVE with my husband

Many mother's blur these lines

and end up replacing their husband with their children...

My Prayer for you

A committed, fulfilled, and intimate relationship

between you and your husband.

Let's get one thing straight...

Let's get one thing straight. I didn't start a blog because I think everyone needs to hear what I have to say. I embarked on this journey because I have a true and honest interest in strengthening marriages. More specifically, helping women get past the "tired housewife" syndrome and embracing their inner pin up to become their husband's greatest fantasy. And yes this blog may find itself in the shallow end at times but everything I write comes straight from my heart. There are things that wives can do on purpose that will change the way they view themselves and in turn the way they are viewed by their husband. I am soooooo excited to see where God is going to take me.